


Mid-May's Eldest Child

by ToniArkens



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, M/M, Mentions of Solradia, Sadstuck, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-18 19:30:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3581229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToniArkens/pseuds/ToniArkens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was just supposed to be a bet. A game between friends. Who would have thought that it would lead to this much suffering?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My memerail](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+memerail).
  * Inspired by [But Hope Is Not Lost](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2528348) by [captorvatiing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/captorvatiing/pseuds/captorvatiing). 



> Story title and all chapter titles are quotations from John Keats' Ode to a Nightingale.

After everything they had been through, it was going to end like this.

 

What had happened? Where had he gone wrong? Surely they had done everything they could to assure their safety? So why was he in chains, why was blood forming rivers of red over his skin, why was the blade slicing his flesh for what felt like the thousandth time? Why was he being forced to watch the small screen in front of him, repeating his name over and over again, ‘KARKAT’, ‘KARKAT’, ‘KARKAT’?

 

Had this all been a waste of time? Should they have just sat down and allowed themselves to be killed in the first place? Would that have spared them this torment?

 

All eyes in the room were on him, be it willingly or not. They were all going to watch him die. Fuck, he was going to die there. If not tonight, then one of the ones that would follow. For all he knew, he could be kept there for weeks. Enduring the agony nonstop.

 

This was his fault. All of it, every second of pain that any of them endured due to what had happened. If he hadn’t tried to show off skills he didn’t have, if he hadn’t been so careless, hadn’t been such an asshole. Things would still be okay. They would still have a future, they would still have hives and luci to go back to at the end of the day. He was certain that his own had been killed, it was only logical.

 

He wanted to close his eyes. Those words were still flashing across the screen. ‘KARKAT’, ‘KARKAT’, ‘KARKAT’. He couldn’t look. He couldn’t see that and know that they substituted for screams of desperate horror. So then why were his eyes wide? Why had he ceased screams of his own?

 

Why was he stuck thinking back to what had led to all of this?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The actual chapters will be much longer than this, don't worry.


	2. Tender is the Night

The way the moons lit the grass was always something Karkat had secretly admired. The dual-colored light had just short of mystified him when he had been younger.

 

Not that there was any way in hell that he would tell anyone that.

 

No. No, he had a reputation, dammit. A reputation as someone who loathed everything the world had to offer, especially the way the goddamn moonlight hit the ground. Seriously, fuck that.

 

He was staring out the window when the first message came. And had he known just how much it would impact all they knew and were familiar with, perhaps he would have responded differently.

 

\--twinArmegeddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

TA: 2omeone2 been quiiet lately.

TA: what ii2 iit thii2 tiime.

TA: fuck up your computer agaiin?

TA: ii can be over there iin ten miinute2 iif you need me two fiix iit.

 

Yes, he definitely should have responded differently.

 

CG: YOU DO REALIZE THAT YOU’RE NOT AS GREAT A TECHIE AS YOU THINK YOU ARE, RIGHT?

CG: SERIOUSLY, I COULD RUN CIRCLES AROUND YOU UNTIL THE GROUND CAUGHT FIRE AND MELTED MY BULGE.

TA: yeah ok.

TA: excu2e me, oh great and powerful computer wiizard.

TA: ii have over2tepped my boundariie2.

TA: forgiive me, ii beg you.

TA: do not banii2h me from the land of my ance2tor2.

TA: youre fuckiing iincrediible.

CG: WOW, SARCASM. THAT’S ORIGINAL.

TA: 2uck my a22 KK.

TA: liike wow ii try two check up on my friiend becau2e ii havent heard from hiim iin a whiile and iit2 like ii ju2t commiitted fuckiing trea2on.

TA: a plu2 job dude.

TA: thii2 ii2 why people thiink youre iintolerable two be around.

CG: AND YOU’RE AN EGOTISTICAL DOUCHELICK. SO WE’RE EVEN.

TA: were 2tiill on for twomorrow riight?

CG: YEAH, OBVIOUSLY. BRING THAT GAME YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT.

TA: got iit.

 

It was odd, really. Karkat had always assumed that everyone would eventually get sick of his shit and leave him in the dust. And yet, it seemed only to draw them in closer. They were all so very loyal. So very patient.

 

Or maybe they were all just sadistic sons of bitches.

 

As he pondered this, he caught a glance of his face in the reflection of his husktop's screen. The sweeps were passing quickly, and it would not be long before his eyes would reveal to the world that which he could tell no one. And even if he did manage to survive after that, what would happen afterwards? When the time came for him to be sent off-planet? He had his fantasies, of course. In which he managed to convince the Empress of his skills, and in time became one of the most celebrated Threshecutioners in the history of Alternia. But was that really plausible? Was it really a hope worth clinging to? Terezi had always teased that the chances of him getting the position was close to zero, and that was without her even knowing the entire situation. Was he really destined for failure? Was he really doomed to die having lived such a pathetic existence?

 

Was he really thinking about this right now?

 

The only reason he was dragged back into the world of reality was due to the near constant message alert tones.

 

TA: do you want me two briing anythiing el2e.

TA: other game2, food, a 2teel-plated 2piike two 2hove up your nook?

TA: KK?

TA: helloooo.

TA: are you throwiing one of your biitch fiit2?

TA: ii can 2ee the headliine2 now.

TA: local pii22 2taiin break2 record for mo2t tantrum2 thrown iin one day.

TA: more at eleven.

TA: KK.

TA: KK.

TA: wherefor art thou, KK.

TA: fuckiing troll 2hake2peare.

TA: have you even read that?

TA: 2eem2 liike iitd be riight up your alley.

TA: actually no.

TA: iit2 not 2hiitty enough for your ta2te.

 

That snarky fuck.

 

TA: KK come back.

CG: HOLY SHIT I WASN'T GONE THAT LONG. CALM DOWN.

TA: you can blame iit all on

TA: oh.

TA: what2 up.

CG: ...

CG: REMIND ME WHY I PUT UP WITH YOU.

TA: becau2e iim fuckiing fanta2tiic.

TA: and iif iit werent for me youd probably have 2crewed up your harddriive 2weep2 ago.

CG: DUDE, YOU TREAT ME LIKE I DON'T KNOW MUDFUCKING SQUAT ABOUT THIS SORT OF THING.

TA: becau2e you dont.

CG: YEAH? AND HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

TA: are you 2ugge2tiing youre a better hacker than me.

CG: MAYBE I AM.

TA: fiine.

TA: two week2.

TA: whoever doe2 the mo2t iimpre22ive... hackiing... job... thiing... wiin2.

TA: lo2er ha2 two run around buck a22 nude out2iide for a2 long a2 the wiinner want2.

CG: THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

CG: AND GIVEN THE PEOPLE THAT I TALK TO ON A REGULAR BASIS, THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING.

TA: what ii2 iit.

TA: you 2cared that everyone wiith a lawnriing wiithiin half a miile wiill 2ee your bulge?

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT.

CG: FINE.

CG: IT'S ON.

TA: youd better hope iit2 warm out.

\--twinArmegeddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

 

What the actual fuck, Captor.

 

Neither knew, of course, what this seemingly innocent competition would lead to. How could they? Even the one who did have some sort of psychic ability was blind to what the future would hold due to this exchange. That everything would change, of the pain and suffering which would come forth unto so many by their hands.

 

Would Karkat have backed down were he to have had even the slightest feeling that something might go wrong? Yes, of course. But he was no prophet. He was a six-sweep-old who wanted nothing more than to prove that he was worth something, even if only in the eyes of his closest friend. Start small, then work up from there.

 

And yet, he knew all too well that, in this case, it was far easier said than done. He wasn't anywhere near as good with computers as he claimed, and both he and Sollux knew that. So then why the hell had he agreed in the first place? Why was he willing to risk his dignity when it was almost inevitable that he would lose?

 

The threat of his neighbors seeing his bulge would soon prove to be the least of his worries.

 

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG]’s trolltag has been changed to probablynotIronicdildos [PI] by an outside source--

 

\--probablynotIronicdildos [PI] began trolling twinArmegeddons [TA]--

PI: FUCK YOU.

TA: ehehehe.

 

 


	3. Where Youth Grows Pale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be nice and post two chapters today. It's almost tomorrow, anyway.

The next night. Blood pounding in his ears, voices screaming in his head, legs begging him to stop.

No. No, he couldn't stop, not now. And even when he did reach his destination, it would only be a pause. A pause in what would be, he was certain, sweeps more of this. Running. Being so absolutely terrified. This wouldn't be over any time soon. Maybe not ever. 

It felt as though he was going to have to physically reach into his chest and hold his bloodpusher still by the time he arrived. He had been slamming his fist against the door for what felt like hours-- Though it was probably no more than thirty seconds-- before Karkat answered, confusion clear in his features. "Way to let me know you were getting here ridiculously early. I--" Only then did he realize that something was wrong. 

He would have asked if everything were all right, but Sollux pushed past him before he got a chance. "Pack...." Out of breath, but still doing everything he could to try and sound assertive. "You.... You've got two minutes.... Any longer than that... and I'm leaving your ass behind...." It was a lie, of course. But Karkat didn't need to know that. "I... I'll explain on the way...."

It was a strange, unexpected request, of course. Sollux, as a rule, never went outside if he didn't have to. Or at least, he hadn't since Aradia had died. Was this some sort of impromptu camping trip? No, the single bag slung over his shoulder seemed to have been put together in a hurry, and the panicked expression was, to say the least, disconcerting. 

He wanted to ask questions. More than anything, he wanted to know what the hell he was supposed to bring with him. But two minutes, he'd said. Just essentials, then. A few extra sets of clothes, his husktop, his sickle, a couple bottles of water because damn, Sollux looked like he needed it. Exactly one minute and forty-eight seconds after having received the instructions, Sollux was grabbing hold of Karkat's wrist and practically dragging him along, ignoring the screeches of the lusus that was being left behind.

"Sollux." How long had they been running? An hour? That seemed about right. "Sollux." No response. "Sollux." Okay, yeah, no. "Sollux!" Stopping abruptly, Karkat yanked his arm out of his grasp. The moment the other realized that they were no longer moving, he couldn't help but collapse to the ground in fatigue. Karkat followed suit. "Hey.... Hey, deep breaths, okay...?" He reached into his bag and offered one of the waters, which was gone within seconds of touching Sollux's lips. 

"Give me your computer...." It was closer to an exhale than an actual breath. "Right now.... Do it...." For the second time that night, orders were followed without question. Sollux had always praised himself on just how quickly he could type, but this was something else altogether. This was pure horror-induced adrenaline. "I'm making a secure network.... Just for the sake of contacting one another.... Don't even turn this thing on otherwise...." 

A long, drawn-out silence before Sollux insisted that they begin moving again. But no. No, fuck that. Fuck that, he was getting answers, dammit. "Tell me what's going on first." No irritation in his voice. Nothing even close. "Come on, you're starting to freak me out. What are we doing here?"

The explanation was contemplated. How could he put this and avoid an unpleasant consequence? There was probably no way to do that, actually. "I...." Come on, just get it out. "I fucked up...." Eyes locked onto the ground. "I fucked up, I... I didn't mean to. I didn't know they could trace it back to me, how was I supposed to know what kind of top secret tech shit they have? It wasn't my fault...."

"Hey, calm down." Hands rested on Sollux's shoulders, eyes locked onto one another. "Just slow down, okay? One thing at a time. Start from the beginning."

Right. Right, okay. He could do that. "I.... It was that stupid contest. I found this network that was all kinds of sketchy. Seriously, one of the best protected ones I've ever seen. I said fuck it and decided to try and get in. I did, obviously, and figured I'd see what they were trying to hard to protect. 

"I found this folklore or something. Or, I figured it was folklore. Some old story about a cult. There wasn't much about it, but... they talked about... some of its members. And I know how it sounds, but... I think my ancestor was a part of it."

"Okay, hold the fuck up." Karkat held up his hand. "This is all because of some grub stories?" Yep. There was the anger. "I can't fucking believe you! You scared the shit out of me! Holy fucking douchefondler on a shitstained trapeze, Captor, you're unbelievable!"

"Would you shut up!" An unmistakable crackle of electricity filled the air. Not much, just enough to register. "I know how it sounds, okay, but just fucking listen to me!" He was listened to. "I thought the same thing, but my sign was there. And so was KA's and NP's. And yours. They were part of the cult and... I think yours was pretty important in it. I was reading just for the hell of it, I didn't think it was anything important. But... then earlier my screen went black. I thought it was just dying, but... then all of my information came up. And yours. And the culling fork symbol. 

"I... I started hearing you. Screaming. You... you were going to die, I couldn't just sit there." He shook his head a bit, as though to clear his thoughts. "It stopped now, but I don't want to take any chances. So if we could just please go."

A threat from the Empress? A legitimate time when he was going to die? Was this really that serious? 

Had Sollux really just saved his life?

He wouldn't lie about something like that. He never told anyone about what he heard, it had always been strictly his business and his alone. For him to bring it up now, that meant something. Something far more serious than he would ever like to admit.

Karkat got to his feet, offering a hand to assist Sollux in doing the same. "Come on. You're right, we should keep moving."

For as long as it took.


	4. Thou Among the Leaves

This was, without a doubt, the worst possible time of year for all of this to happen. The warmer months were coming to an end, and it was leaving a bitter chill that bit through even the thick fabric of Karkat's turtleneck. Dammit, why did his blood have to run so hot? This was why he hardly ever ventured out in the winter, it was far too obvious.

In the two weeks since all this began, the wind had gone from uncomfortable to near torture. It was getting impossible to hide it now. But would he really need to? He and Sollux were going through something so serious, so very life-changing. Surely at least he could be told? But no, paranoia got the best of him, caused him to continue hiding it.

Water was scarce, food even more so. Sollux had thought ahead and brought some, but Karkat hadn't exactly expected that they would be gone for this long. And going back certainly wasn't an option.

Suddenly, they both gave Nepeta a lot more credit than they ever had before.

Oddly enough, Sollux seemed to be keeping some of his own secrets. Whenever he dug through his bag, it appeared as though he were checking to make sure that no one was around to see what he had brought. Karkat had asked once, but that had resulted in a flip-out far worse than any he had seen before. He made a note not to inquire about it again.

The small river was a sight they had been longing for for nights now. Karkat was washing his shirts, while Sollux filled up the bottles with water a small ways upstream.

Wet, shirtless, and seriously doubting that any of this would dry before it froze solid, he hummed a small melody in an attempt to distract himself from the early winter air. Breaths came out as a thin fog as he tried and failed to push past the fact that he had lost feeling in his hands long before. The last thing he needed right now was frost bite.

Without so much as a warning, he felt the shirt being ripped from his hands, watched as it wrung itself out before dunking into the river again and rubbed against a rock. "You know, the help might have been nice a little earlier."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure as hell not going to do all the work for you. You've got to learn to earn your keep." Sollux smirked as he knelt down beside him, hardly moving his hand to cause a few droplets of water to splash onto Karkat's face.

"Quit it, you taintmonger!" Figuring that he hadn't much to lose, he sucked it up and manually did the same to him. "I'm fucking dying here, give me a break. You're going to wake up tomorrow and I'm just going to be frozen solid. Then what?"

"Then I get more food to myself and get some peace and quiet." He blinked a few times. "Sorry. Sorry, that wasn't funny. I didn't mean it." Karkat waved it off, silently telling him that he'd known that. Even so, an apology came again.

The mountains, they had decided, would be their best bet when it came to seclusion. Of course, Karkat had noticed the hesitance in Sollux's expression at the very mention of them. How many times had he and Aradia ventured there? He didn't dare ask. But whatever painful memories lingered among the caves, they would have to be pushed aside. They had had time to mourn. Now came the time to protect their own lives.

Sure, Sollux could have easily flown off and left him in the dust. But Karkat couldn't help but note that his feet only ever left the ground when they absolutely had to. Not once did they leave one another's side. For this was between both of them. Neither one was more important than the other.

"You said before that Kanaya and Nepeta's ancestors were involved in this cult thing." Why was this thought only now coming forth? Fuck, was he really that shitty of a friend? "Are they okay? Should we be going back for them, or--"

"They'll be fine." Was he positive? No, of course not. "As far as the empire is concerned, they're not involved. I do keep checking up on the encrypted servers, just in case. If anything changes, I'll contact them with instructions." He shook his head, let out a long exhale. "With any luck, it won't come to that. We're the ones they want. My best guess is that it's because they knew about the bet and figured if I were to tell anyone, it would be you."

That made sense, yes. But the very idea that their actions could possibly bring harm to the rest of their friends, that was absolutely terrifying. How would he be able to live with himself if something were to happen to any of them?

He would have to check later to make sure that they were both online. Even if he couldn't actually talk to them.

"I said watch your step." Perhaps the warning came a moment too late, or perhaps it was the sudden jolt to attention that caused it. Whatever the reason, the uneven rocky ground caught Karkat off guard, his ankle twisting at an angle he wasn't quite sure it was ever meant to.

The ledge was only about four feet off the ground, but due to the fact that Karkat was only about a foot taller than that, it still felt like one hell of a drop. A small surprised, "Oh fuck!" could be heard from Sollux as the sound of shoes scraping against the rocks met his ears.

Not having remembered the actual act of falling, Karkat blinked a few times as he stared straight up at the mid-evening sky. The dirt was frozen beneath him, and had provided little comfort upon impact. Sollux could be heard laughing his ass off from above.

"Holy shit, KK, try listening to me for once in your life, would you?" Only then did he move into view, looking down at him. "You oka--"

He cut himself off, the dorky grin vanishing from his face. There was no more humor in his expression, no. This was... confused fear. What the hell was his problem? Besides his head hurting and some disorientation, he certainly didn't feel as though he was injured. As he sat up, Karkat noted the feeling of something wet running down his temple, his hand moving slowly to investigate.

His fingers were stained red.


	5. The Weariness, the Fever, and the Fret

"Karkat...?" Not 'KK', not some creative, joking insult. Just 'Karkat'. "...What is that...?" He had seen rust blood far more than he would have liked to admit, having had to tend to some of Aradia's injuries when they had gone out on one of her expeditions. She hadn't wanted him to, of course, but he'd insisted. But this, this was far more vibrant than the closest color that was supposed to exist. It was unmistakable. And even in Karkat's head trauma-induced stupor, it was clear that he knew it, too.

When it was clear that he wouldn't be getting an answer, Sollux climbed down off of the ledge, and Karkat immediately backed away. This was the most afraid he had ever seen him. No, this was more than just fear. This was absolute horror. This was the face of someone who was under the impression that he would be culled at any moment, who was trying to come to terms with the fact that this was the end, that everything he had worked for was crumbling and would die with him in this moment.

This was the face of someone who felt that there was no use begging for his life.

Sollux held up his hand, the blue and red energy holding Karkat, whose breathing quickened as a result, in place. "Hey. Hey, calm down." Sure to move slowly, sure to keep his voice soft. He reached into his bag, pulled out one of his spare shirts. His touch was gentle as he held the fabric to Karkat's head, wiped up the fluid cascading down his face. "Now if I let you go, I need you to stay still. I'm going to clean you up, we can't let anyone see this. But you already knew that."

It all made sense now. The fact that he never wanted to tell anyone what color his blood was, the way he was always so careful not to injure himself. The way he hated the world, acted as though it had cheated him out of any chance that he could be happy. Because it had. It had cursed him the moment he was hatched, and he knew it.

He had heard stories about the possibility of blood that was off-spectrum. They were obscure, but once in a while one would be told on some of the darker websites. But those were also filled with tales of ghosts and rainbow drinkers, why would he ever have thought that such a thing could even be considered?

The moment Karkat was released, he slumped forward, eyes shut in an attempt to hold back the tears which threatened to fall. But why? Were they composed of terror, or shame, or relief that it seemed Sollux had no intention of turning him in or abandoning him? Or was it all three, thrown together and becoming too much for him to handle? The latter seemed most likely.

"It's okay. It's okay, you're safe." Still whispering. "Tell me what you're feeling. Can you walk?" Though he opened his eyes, Karkat seemed unable to focus on the words. Sollux turned around, though he remained kneeling. "Get on my back. We can't stay here with that gaping hole in your head, and we need you to get back to normal."

It took a moment for it to register, but he did as he was told. While Sollux wasn't exactly a heavyweight champion, Karkat was small in every sense of the word. Even with one bag on each shoulder and a troll on his back, he was still fairly certain that he could make good time. "How bad do you think it is? You can understand me, so that's something. Can you talk?"

Another few seconds, but Karkat did manage a small, "Yeah...." as he leaned his head against Sollux's shoulder. "Can't shut me up that easily...." The smile was shared, as were two faint laughs.

"Yeah, well, you're not walking on your own for a while either way. There are some caves AA used to check out around here. We'll be safe there, at least until you recover." Just how long would that take? A few hours, weeks, months? There was no real way to be sure. But it didn't really matter, did it? Just so long as he did recover. That was what counted. Karkat would get his shit straightened out, and they would be back on the road. Just the two of them against the rest of the world.

Half of him wanted to ask why Karkat had never told him. But the other half, the one that seemed to actually be thinking clearly and making sense, was reminding him that of course he hadn't told him. A mutation such as this was a crime punishable by death, and he surely knew that.

Oh God, that was why he'd always tried to push everyone away.

Being sure to jolt slightly every so often in order to keep him awake, Sollux kept his head down, only ever letting go of one of Karkat's legs to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Once he could walk on his own without difficulty, then he could allow him to sleep. The last thing they needed was for him to be comatose. "Let me know ahead of time if you feel like you're going to throw up. As much as I'm sure you'd enjoy puking on my head, we really don't want to risk another detour."

"Deal...." Not to mention the fact that he didn't want to waste any food he actually had gotten to eat today.

Scaling the mountain, that was where things got a bit more difficult. Sollux eventually ended up putting his glasses on Karkat instead of risking them falling and shattering, and his psionic energy was focused on being sure that Karkat didn't do the same. More than once he'd insisted that he could climb on his own, but there was no way in hell that Sollux was allowing that. Not in his condition, not in a million sweeps.

His arms were burning from exhaustion by the time they finally reached one of the landings. Originally, he had planned on going farther, but that option had been given up on by this point. Sollux only fell to his knees, helped Karkat off of his back, and lied down to catch his breath. For about five minutes or so, that was the only sound. But soon, Karkat broke the silence.

"Sollux....? He looked up, making a small grunt of acknowledgement. "I just.... Thanks."

He could have been sappier about it, but he only managed a thumbs-up in response.


	6. Embalmed Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day AGAIN?! Wow what it wrong with me

"How's the balance situation?" Sollux finally brought himself to sit up once he regulated his breaths, looking Karkat over carefully. Without saying a word, Karkat forced himself to stand, though even with the rocks beside him, he appeared as though he could plummet off the edge at any moment.

Without asking for permission, Sollux hurried over and took his arm. "Don't rush it, man. I've got you." Karkat was relying on him far more than he would like to admit, but to be completely frank, he didn't exactly have any other options at the moment.

"There better not be anything that would rip us apart in there. If there is, I'm throwing you to it." The cave actually looked somewhat small inside, and it would be simple to tell if there was anything currently residing in it.

"I wouldn't worry about that. You could probably just start talking and it would die of boredom."

"I will throw your shitty glasses right the fuck off this mountain, Captor. Watch it."

The faint dual-colored glow from Sollux's eyes was the only light which managed to illuminate the inside of their new shelter. The basic shape could be made out now, though the details were hazy. Sollux led Karkat over to the wall and sat him down, putting the bags down beside him and rifling through his own in order to find some of the firewood he'd managed to shove in there.

The moment the match was struck, that was when the awe enveloped them.

The writing on the walls was faded and chipped into illegibility, but there was not an inch that remained clean. Words, pictures, all of it done with a gentle, dedicated hand. Karkat turned, looking over what was painted just behind him.

"Looks like ancient Alternian." As he ran his fingers over it, whatever had been used to write it dusted his skin in flakes. "I can't read a word. You?"

Sollux shook his head as he dropped the match into the pile of sticks and paper. "Not exactly one of my hobbies. AA said she was learning a little once, but I turned down the offer to teach me."

AA. Every time he said that name, he could see Sollux's heart break a little more. It was less obvious than it had been in the beginning, but it was so clear. He still loved her, and it still hurt.

And that was why he deserved to know the truth.

Maybe now wasn't the best time. Maybe it would have been kinder just to let him continue in ignorant bliss. But right about now, he wasn't thinking straight. "How do you think she died?" Gaze on the ground, knees pulled up to his chest.

The change of subject caught him off guard a bit, but Sollux rolled with it. "Not really sure. I mean, I've had a few theories, but there's no real way to prove any of them." He turned away a bit. "Actually, I don't really like to think about it."

So he was right, then. He didn't remember. "What if I told you that I know." There it was. There was no going back now, even if it would probably be better off in the end.

Sollux turned back around, confusion in his eyes. "What do you mean?" He shook his head, ran his fingers through his hair. "There wasn't a body, there's--"

"And if there wasn't a body, how do you know she's dead?" Stay perseverant. "There wasn't any blood, either, right? So how do you know?"

How had he known that? He hadn't told anyone, and he doubted that Karkat would have actually gone there himself. The story was already being told before he could ask questions.

"After you messaged me to tell me... I couldn't help but remember what Vriska did to Tavros, and I just.... I wondered if maybe it had something to do with their shitty game. So I talked to her, and...." Okay. Just get it out now. "Look, I know you're not an idiot. So whether you were just too freaked out to notice or if you completely refused to.... But you saw the state her hive was in. Who else could have done that?"

Thinking back, he could picture the wreckage as though he were standing before it right then and there. No. No, that was impossible. She could only control him half of the time, what were the chances that it would have worked right then? Fifty-fifty, actually, but the point remained the same. "No." His voice caught in his throat, but he forced it out anyway. "No, shut up. Shut up, that-- That's not funny." Face in his hands, reminding himself to take deep breaths.

"I know it's not." Karkat moved over to him, put a hand on his shoulder. "Look, it wasn't your fault, okay? I talked to Vriska, she said you were putting up one hell of a fight. And let me tell you, I bitched her out for hours for doing that to both of you. I still do sometimes. Or did. Whatever. But just.... I don't know if it was the right decision or not, but I made her swear not to tell you. The way you were talking, you... you already were blaming yourself, I didn't want to see what you would do if you knew the truth."

"What the fuck...." It was soft at first, but Sollux soon looked up. The moment he did, the anger took over. "What the fuck, Karkat!" He flew to his feet, sparks of red and blue flickering around his head. Yeah, he was pissed. Shit. "You-- you thought I wouldn't want to know that I-- that I killed my fucking matesprit?!" He moved over to his bag, grabbing one of the filled water bottles and throwing it as hard as he could in Karkat's general direction. Not actually intending to hit him, but just to let some of it out. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Grief triumphed over anger in that moment, Sollux collapsing to his knees as sobs openly escaped his lips. It was his fault. It was his fault, he'd killed her. He'd killed her, and he didn't even remember it. The last thing she'd seen had probably been him, and she probably hadn't understood what was happening.

He wasn't sure when Karkat moved over to him again, but he eventually ended up leaning his head against his chest, feeling arms holding him close.


	7. For I Will Fly to Thee

“One more time.”

“What?!”

“Dude, just do it.”

“I’ve written it nine times already!”

“And now you’re making it an even ten.”

Karkat scowled as he scrawled down the same twelve letters. ‘K-A-R-K-A-T V-A-N-T-A-S’ His handwriting was almost back to normal by this point, having been four days since the injury. “There. Are we done now?”

Looking it over for a moment, Sollux considered the proposal before he nodded. “Yeah, we’re done.” He would be fit for travel again in a few more days.

As Karkat attempted to get the cramping out of his hand, Sollux made his way over to his bag, rummaging around for a few moments. For the past couple days, he'd seemed somewhat distant. Trying to hide it, but still noticeable. Karkat had just assumed that he was still coping with the revelation regarding Aradia. It was a lot to take in, and of course he would be upset about it. Something would be wrong with him if he weren't.

"Are you humming?" Sollux turned around, eyebrow raised. "Holy shit, you were." He was beaming, though Karkat turned his gaze to the ground as though it would make him stop. "Actual popstar KK Vantas."

The pen he'd been using went flying through the air, Sollux just barely dodging it. "Shut up, fuckwhiff!" Damn, he could feel his face getting red. "I hum when I'm nervous, big deal!"

"Nah, don't be embarrassed, man. We've all got stuff like that." Tell him? Yeah, might as well. What did he have to lose? "AA.... She'd teach me how to dance when I started flipping my shit. Calmed me down."

Now it was Karkat's turn to smirk. "Stand up." Speaking as he followed his own instructions. "Come on, I played along with what you said, now it's your turn." Once they were in the middle of the cave, Karkat put his hands on Sollux's shoulders. "Now teach me."

"Sorry?"

Rolling his eyes, Karkat gave him a light slap. "Alternia to Captor. You fucking heard me. You've been freaking out since this all started, and I know you're going to snap if you don't do something about it. Now dig around in that mess you call a thinkpan and teach me what you know."

To say that he'd been expecting that would be a lie. He'd known that Karkat was a fan of those cliche romance movies, but this was taking it to a whole other level. And yet, he wasn't wrong. There were a lot of things on his mind, many of which he vowed he would take to his grave. And it would be nice to unwind a bit. "Well, first things first, your hand is in the wrong place." He took Karkat's right in his own, held it out. His other went on the shorter's back. "Okay, so this one is simple. I'm going to start the steps, just follow my lead. Give me a melody. 3/4 time." He went to move, but frowned a bit. "No, 3/4 time, dumbass."

"That was!"

"Like hell it was. Try again."

Once the impromptu music was adequate, Sollux was able to walk him through the basic idea, and before long, he didn't even have to count out loud to keep Karkat from completely fucking it up. Every so often, they would laugh a bit at the near absurdity of it all. But they didn't stop. Not for a solid forty-five minutes. Once they did cease moving, they kept the position for a few seconds, eyes locked together.

Sollux's held a touch of melancholy.

"You're shivering." Hand let go of Karkat's, then off of his back. "I always just thought you were just shaking with rage." This only caused Karkat to roll his eyes once again. His gaze moved over to the far corner of the cave, recalling having seen something there but not having bothered to investigate. He retrieved it, looking over the grey fabric for a moment. Old--extremely so-- but still fairly thick.

The moment he started moving toward him with it, Karkat shook his head and took a step back. "No. No way in hell. Someone could have fucking died in that thing."

"Oh, just put it on and stop being a stubborn piece of shit." Not taking no for an answer, Sollux wrapped the cloak around Karkat's shoulders, pulling the hood up if only to piss him off more. "There. it suits you. And it'll keep you from freezing to death. Look, it's even got your color." At this, he tapped the red lacing which was in front of the horn holes. This earned him a shove. "I'm going to go get some more food. Shouldn't take long." Glasses were adjusted, obscuring his eyes completely.

"Okay, let's go." Karkat, not bothering to remove the cloak because holy shit it was cold, grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder.

A shake of his head, back facing him now. "KK, you're still recovering. I don't need you getting hurt. Stay here. Come on, please."

He was going to argue. But it was the last word that changed his mind. It was sincere. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."

Nodding a bit, a faint, sad smile crossed his lips, though he did not turn to let Karkat see. "When I get back, remind me to show you what's in my bag, okay? It's important. But wait until then. Otherwise you won't know what the hell to do with it. And that's not a jab at your computer skills, either."

He didn't get a chance to agree or disagree before Sollux was climbing down the mountainside.

Minutes passed.

He'd be fine.

An hour.

Where was he?

Two.

This was taking too long.

Three.

What the hell was that?

It sounded as though a distant tree had been snapped in half and crashed to the ground. Half out of fear, half out of curiosity, Karkat rushed over to the mouth of the cave and onto the landing just outside.

A few miles off, an Imperial ship hovered in the air. The air which was now being filled with enormous flashes of red and blue light and screams which, though faint due to the distance, were familiar enough to make it feel as though the entire world stopped.

He hardly remembered climbing down, and the sprint in the direction of the battle was a blur. The when he arrived at the clearing, it got much too real much too fast.

"Sollux?!" His voice echoed, being the only answer he received. And.... Oh God, all that blood. Gold coated patches of the grass and the side of a nearby cliff, and there were large craters which were still smoking. There were other colors splattered about, as well, but the gold. The gold was everywhere.

"Sollux!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now shit starts to go down OuO


	8. To Cease Upon the Midnight

"Sollux!"

The disorientation was far worse than when he'd been injured. It wasn't his head or the fatigue which caused him to stumble this time. It was the fact that it felt as though his world was crashing and burning, spinning out of control.

Indigo coated the bottom of his shoe as he stepped in some of the blood Sollux had managed to spill, and he made a note of some violet and yes, even some purple.

He caught sight of the speck of black against the cliff and immediately bolted over, breaths heavy. There he was. There he was, it would be okay.

Kneeling down before him, Karkat put his hands on Sollux's shoulders. "Hey. Hey, what the fuck happened here?" No answer. "Okay, fine, whatever, you can tell me later. Let's just get the hell out." Nothing. Karkat took off the blue and red glasses, the lenses of which were shattered, to reveal the matching eyes beneath. "Come on, it's me. They're gone now, you can stop pretending." Panic managed to inch into his voice. "Okay, haha, you got me. But screw with Karkat time is over now." Silence. "Come on, man, this isn't funny anymore. We've got to get out of here, stand up." Tears streaming down his face. "Sollux, stop fucking around! This isn't funny! Wake up!"

The blood soaking his shirt and drying on the rock behind his head. The way his eyes were unfocused and not blinking. The fact that he couldn't feel the pulse as he pressed his fingers to the slender neck.

"Sollux...!"

His voice sounded pathetic. So desperate, so absolutely broken. He was screaming his name over and over again, not caring if someone heard and discovered him. Begging for him to come back like a wriggler. To stop playing this game, to just please, for the love of all things even slightly good, don't be dead.

The moons were beginning to set by the time he physically couldn't cry anymore, logic telling him to get back to the cave before daylight came.

He walked slowly. The first rays of morning managed to hit his skin, but the discomfort was hardly noticed. He was already in so much pain, he felt as though he could lie out in the midday sun and feel nothing quite like this.

He threw up twice on the way there. He almost wanted to again just so that the count wouldn't be at two.

He couldn't be gone. Not after all of this. What was he supposed to do now? They hadn't had a real plan regarding their movements, but Sollux might have had at least an idea. But him? He was clueless.

Right about now, he wasn't even really bothered by the fact that survival didn't seem likely.

They would pay. They would fall victim to his vengeance, regret having taken him away from him. Even if he had to kill the damn empress herself. And if he lost? Well, so what? At least he wouldn't be alone anymore. It was a win-win situation.

But not yet. He would wait. After all, he was still recovering from the fall, and he could tell that it would take even longer to convince himself to even venture outside again. They-- _He_ was low on food, but there was enough to last a while. He'd make it.

When he arrived at the base of the cliff leading to the cave, Karkat pulled the cloak tighter around himself as the wind blew past him. Oh, fuck, this had been one of the last things he'd touched. It had been the last time _they_ had touched. He would never feel the delicate hands again.

Oh fuck, he was really dead.

It didn't seem real. The fire was still lit as he reached the cave, even if it was only glowing embers at this point. Everything was still in place. It was as though Sollux had just gone to go take a piss or something and would be right back. But no, he wasn't coming back. He wasn't coming back, and he had to keep reminding himself of this.

This was it. This was all he had.

Sleep evaded him. How could he rest when the sight wouldn't leave him? Every time he nearly drifted off, the screams would replay, he would see the empty expression, he would feel the blood on his hands. He was out of tears by this point, able only to lie on the ground and scream.

He'd fought well, that was clear. He hadn't just given up. Surely that should have been enough to grant him some closure? So then why did it almost make it hurt more?

He'd fought so hard, and for what?

He ended up staying awake all day, ignoring the harshness of the sun on his eyes as he stared out at the landscape. The daytime brought forth a strangely alien aura to the surrounding forests, and he found himself wondering how a place could look so different merely because the time of day had changed.

Or perhaps it was because something was missing.

By the time the sun was high in the sky, Karkat dared to get to his feet. About thirty minutes passed, and he was still only staring at the landscape. But after that, he stepped a bit farther into the cave, looking at the writing on the walls. Faded, just as their memories would be in time. What stories had once been told here? And had anyone ever read them, or cared enough to? Would their own story be heard?

Would the name Sollux Captor be kept alive even after his death?

Just why they hadn't been noticed before, he couldn't say. Now, it felt as though they were blazing in radiance, screaming for him to look. Painted on the wall, a good foot and half over his head. Two signs. One gold, one grey. Next to one another. He couldn't look for more than a couple minutes. Karkat re-lit the fire.

And he began to dance.


	9. Half in Love With Easeful Death

Time moved painfully slowly.

 

He'd hardly slept, and eating was physically difficult to force himself to do. He would sit in the cave and just stare at that bag, the blue one with the red strap, the one that Sollux had protected for one reason or another. He hadn't dared to open it, to even go near the damn thing. How could he? Sollux had specifically told him not to go in there, and it still felt as though he would be caught if he did.

 

He couldn't even bring himself to dance anymore, the memory being far too painful. He had tried, but it had only ended up with him falling to his knees as sobs wracked his body.

 

In time, he managed to rummage through his own things and pull out his husktop. Connecting to the secure network-- _his_ secure network-- he was immediately bombarded with messages.

 

\--gallowsCallibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

GC: WH3R3 H4V3 YOU B33N L4T3LY M1ST3R

GC: COM3 ON GRUMPS MCNUBS DONT B3 4 WR1GGL3R

GC: K4RK4T?

 

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

GA: Terezi Told Me That She Has Been Unable To Get A Hold Of You.

GA: Or Sollux, For That Matter.

GA: Are You Okay?

 

\--arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

AC: :33< where are you guys?

AC: :33< karkat were all worried

AC: :33< i guess your hive got destroyed last night

AC: :33< and solluxs whole hivestem

AC: :33< look if youre ok please just tell someone

 

He closed all of the windows before the rest could load.

 

More than anything he wanted to reassure them. To let them know that at least one of them was all right. But no, he'd made a promise. And yet, he did open a new window.

 

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]--

CG: HEY. IT'S ME.

CG: IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS. I FIGURED THAT'D BE THE BEST TIME. YOU'D LIKE IT.

CG: I ALREADY MISS YOUR VOICE.

CG: I WAS WATCHING THE MOONS RISE EARLIER, AND I STARTED THINKING ABOUT WHAT MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF I NEVER MET YOU.

CG: THAT NIGHT AT THE PARK, DO YOU REMEMBER?

CG: WE WERE FOUR SWEEPS. YOU'D JUST MOVED INTO YOUR HIVESTEM AND YOU SAID HI.

CG: I TOLD YOU THAT YOU LOOKED LIKE SOMETHING A BARKBEAST THREW UP.

CG: IN THAT INSTANT, I IMAGINED OUR WHOLE LIFE TOGETHER.

CG: AND WHAT IF I HAD BEEN IN THAT PARK A NIGHT LATER?

CG: WHAT IF I HAD GONE WITH TEREZI, OR HADN'T STOPPED TO BITCH THAT GUY OUT FOR PLAYING GUITAR SHITTILY?

CG: I GUESS IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO BE THINKING ABOUT THAT ALL NOW. OR EVEN TALKING TO YOU, REALLY.

CG: BUT IT SORT OF HELPS IN A WEIRD WAY.

CG: IT'S STUPID, I KNOW. YOU'D PROBABLY BE LAUGHING AT ME RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

CG: I'M NOT LAUGHING.

CG: I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER LAUGH AGAIN.

CG: I KNOW, IT SOUNDS MELODRAMATIC. BUT YOU KNOW ME.

CG: I'M STILL WEARING THE CLOAK. I HAVEN'T TAKEN IT OFF.

CG: HERE TO SEAL MY TITLE AS MOST CLICHE GUY EVER, I FEEL LIKE AS LONG AS I WEAR IT, IT'S LIKE YOU'RE STILL WITH ME.

CG: THERE'S A LOT I NEVER GOT TO TELL YOU.

CG: AND I'M PROBABLY NOT GOING TO HERE, EITHER.

CG: IT FEELS TOO LATE HERE.

CG: BUT I MISS YOU.

CG: FUCK, I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

CG: I MISS YOUR SNARKY-ASS COMMENTS.

CG: AND THEY WAY YOU'D NEVER LET ME LIVE IT DOWN EVERY TIME I DID SOMETHING STUPID.

CG: AND YOUR DUMBASS LISP.

CG: YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME GO WITH YOU. I MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HELP.

CG: WORST CASE SCENARIO, I AT LEAST WOULD HAVE BEEN WITH YOU.

CG: I'M CRYING AGAIN NOW, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH.

CG: THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OF YOUR BLOOD ON THE CLOAK, NOW THAT I LOOK.

CG: RIGHT AT THE BOTTOM.

CG: IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO BE SICK.

CG: BUT I DON'T HAVE MUCH FOOD LEFT, SO I DON'T WANT TO WASTE WHAT I DID EAT.

CG: IT'S GOING TO TAKE EVERYTHING I HAVE TO GO GET MORE.

CG: I HARDLY MANAGED TO EVEN LIGHT A DAMN FIRE.

CG: I KNOW I SOUND PATHETIC.

CG: I JUST

CG: IT'S BEEN HARD, SOLLUX.

CG: IT'S BEEN SO HARD AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

CG: YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE ME.

CG: YOU PROMISED THAT EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY, YOU BASTARD.

CG: YOU PROMISED AND NOW LOOK AT US.

CG: WE WERE SUPPOSED TO FIGURE THIS OUT TOGETHER, DAMMIT.

CG: YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO LEAVE ME ALONE.

CG: YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO DIE.

CG: I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE.

CG: NOT WITHOUT YOU.

CG: I WANT IT ALL TO GO BACK TO HOW IT USED TO BE.

CG: I WANT THIS ALL TO BE OVER.

CG: I WANT TO GO HOME.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]--

 

Was that all he wanted to say? No, nowhere near it. There were so many more things he wanted to tell him, even if he would never see it. It was all a matter of getting it out in the open. Like some kind of shitty therapy. Maybe it would help in the end. Either way, it was worth a shot.

 

Pushing some of the hair off of his forehead, Karkat took a deep breath, put his hands over his face. What was keeping him from just doing it? Sollux was dead. He was dead, and he wasn't coming back. He wasn't going to know anything that he said to him.

 

Was his pride really getting in the way of something so important?

 

No. No, he would do it. He would do it, if only to help himself. He didn't deserve to sit there and wallow in pity.

 

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]--

CG: I'M SORRY.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]--

 

Okay, yeah, that was true. But dammit, Vantas, just fucking do it.

 

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]--

CG: I LOVE YOU.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]--


	10. The Voice I Hear This Passing Night

He did manage to go get more food, to refill the water bottles when it needed to be done. But in the nearly three months since Sollux's death, Karkat did not approach the bag.

 

He was staring at it, just sort of remembering. Because it was inevitable that in time, he would forget. The little details would start to fade. Which eye was what color, whether the shorter of his horns were in the front or in the back. Exactly how his voice sounded.

 

What was it he'd said just before he'd left? That there was something in there, something important that he'd wanted to show him. So almost three months after their final conversation, Karkat forced himself to unzip the bag and look inside. A few shirts, some pants, socks. A couple packets of crackers, those would be useful. His throwing stars, he doubted he'd ever be able to use those. And something else.

 

It wasn't anything he had ever seen before. A black box, about the size of a calculator only thicker. A small light was in the upper left corner, though it was off. On the screen, which was about a third of the size of the entire device, a message.

 

actiivate 2y2tem? y/n

 

Seeing the quirk hit him hard. What was that supposed to mean, "Activate system"? Activate what system? No wonder Sollux had said that he would explain what it was. He was always so damn cryptic. Eyes locked onto the text, he hesitated before he tapped the screen. Whatever it was, it was activating.

 

The screen went black for a moment, but it soon lit up again with the same gold text, binary scrolling rapidly as the light began to alternate between red and blue.

 

01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100101 01100001 00110010 01100101 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 01110100 00100000 01101001 01101001 00100000 01100100 01101001 01101001 01100100 01101110 01110100 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101001 01101001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 01110100 00100000 01101001 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100001 00110010 00100000 00110010 01110100 01101111 01110010 01101001 01101001 01100101 00110010 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101000 01101001 01101001 01101101 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100101 01100001 00110010 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101001 01110100 00100000 01101000 01110101 01110010 01110100 00110010 00100000 01101001 01101001 01110100 00100000 01101000 01110101 01110010 01110100 00110010 00100000 00110010 01101111 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100100 00100000 01101001 01101001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01110100 01110111 01101111 00100000 01100100 01101001 01101001 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01110100 01110111 01101111 00100000 01100100 01101001 01101001 01100101 00100000 01001001 01001001 00100000 01000100 01001111 01001110 01010100 00100000 01010111 01000001 01001110 01010100 00100000 01010100 01010111 01001111 00100000 01000100 01001001 01001001 01000101 00100000 01000100 01001111 01001110 01010100 00100000 01001100 01000101 01010100 00100000 01001101 01000101 00100000 01000100 01001001 01001001 01000101

 

"Fuck, Captor, you know I only ever pretended to know how to read that shit...." Was this the first time he had spoken coherent words since the incident? It certainly felt like it.

 

Without warning, the numbers ceased. And the moment they did, something else. A shout of terror. "Don't! Don't touch me! it wasn't my fault, I--" Sollux's voice stopped suddenly, and when it resumed, it was far softer. "KK...?"

 

It took a few seconds before he could manage a response. "What the hell?" Equally quiet, though not holding the wonder that the other did. This was confusion.

 

"Holy shit, it worked...." A small laugh of relief. "Fuck, it actually worked...."

 

"Hold on, back the fuck up." He should have held some relief of his own. But no. No, there was so much going through his mind right now. "You-- you son of a bitch! Where the fuck are you?! I'm going to kick your ass so hard you-- Fuck, I can't even think of anything good to say! I saw your body! You piece of shit, how could you do something like that?!"

 

This was getting out of hand rather quickly. "Hey, calm down for a second, okay?" He paused. "Hold on, am I still lisping?" Not bothering to wait for a response. "Holy shit, I'm not, am I? Dude, this is great! I didn't even plan this part!"

 

Grip tightened on the device in his hand as Karkat wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "Well, I'm glad everything's just fine with you, you whining pile of steaming shit, but I'm still in a clusterfuck of what the hell is going on, so why don't you answer my fucking question!"

 

Was he angry? Yes, of course. But that was kind of a default for him. He was angry. He was confused as all hell. But above all else, he was honestly hurt. For all this time, he had been mourning, trying to find a reason to get up and keep going, and he was alive the whole time? No, that wasn't something he would be able to forgive so easily.

 

"Right, yeah, keep your pants on." Sollux was quiet for a moment as he chose his words carefully. "Look, you don't know what's happening, I get that. And you're pissed, I get that, too. Just hear me out, okay?" Though Karkat didn't offer a verbal agreement, he nodded. "Look, I knew it was going to happen. A few days before, I... I started hearing myself. In my head, I mean. Who knew that was a thing, right? And I tried to figure out how to stop it, but it... it just got louder every night. So when I knew it was time... I let it happen. Don't get me wrong, I tried to fight back, but that obviously didn't work." Karkat opened his mouth to speak, but Sollux intervened. "Yeah, I'm getting there, give me a minute. You saw my body, you said so yourself. And... yeah, that was real. They killed me. I'm dead."

 

No. That was impossible. "If you're dead, then how am I talking to you right now?"

 

"I got a tip from a certain musclebeast-fetishizing robotics expert. Got word that he's been trying to make these... soul-housing robots or some shit? When I found out that we were in danger, I started making this thing. Worked on it every day while you were asleep. In the event I snuffed it, my consciousness would be uploaded into it so I could still help you out for a few months after, until the battery dies."

 

Karkat blinked a few times. "A few months? Like, how many, exactly? Give me a number."

 

A lengthy silence. "Karkat, how long have I been dead?"

 

Oh, he'd fucked up. He'd fucked up big time. "Two and a half months." It had been so long, why hadn't he done this sooner? He would have, had he known. But this wasn't exactly an obvious possibility. He hadn't known.

 

"Shit." Oh, that wasn't good. "I'd give it another six weeks, give or take. So unless we can find a more permanent power source that I can walk you through installing...."

 

Nodding, Karkat forced a smile. "We can do that. Six weeks, that'll be plenty of time. It's gonna be fine."

  
It had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shia-surprise


	11. Drink and Leave the World Unseen

"You're going to end up dropping me, I can feel it."

 

"If you say that one more time, I swear I will throw you. Just be glad I was considerate enough not to put you in my back pocket next to my ass."

 

Sollux had insisted that Karkat take at least one full night to try and wrap his head around it all. But no, that wasn't even close to a possibility. It was his fault that they were low on time, and he would make up for it. And it wasn't as though Sollux could refuse. Despite his protests, he couldn't actually move.

 

After descending down the side of the mountain, Sollux's device in his pocket, bags over his shoulders, and cloak hood over his head, Karkat cast one last glance up to the cave. Was he really going to miss that place? That place where he had fallen victim to sorrow for so long? The place where many sleepless days had haunted him with what might have been? Oddly enough, yes.

 

As a courtesy, Sollux was taken out of his pocket, held carefully in his hand. An alternative energy source. Where the hell were they supposed to find that? Did Sollux even know what type of thing they were looking for?

 

Oh God, what if he had to see him die again?

 

"Go south." On his screen, Sollux projected an arrow to indicate the direction. "We came from the west, and I died a few miles north of here. Unless you checked it out, it's the only way we haven't gone yet. There might be civilization there." Just as Karkat began off, he spoke again. "Wait. Turn your shirt inside-out first."

 

He was about to question it. But actually, it wasn't a bad idea. His sign wasn't exactly one that could be confused with another. So despite the air that still held a touch of coldness-- Was spring on its way already?-- he did as he was told before he started walking.

 

In two nights' time, the first sparks of artificial light pierced through the trees. It had been so long since Karkat had heard any voice besides Sollux's, and the mass of so many all at once actually caused him to get a bit uneasy.

 

The cloak earned him a few glances, and while it did make him a bit more conspicuous, it also allowed him to keep Sollux from sight. The highbloods were under the impression that they had killed him, and any indication whatsoever that they might not have had to be kept from them.

 

They were acknowledged once on their first night there.

 

Karkat had insisted that they stop and get food, which Sollux had forgotten was actually still a thing that needed to happen. Luckily, a small amount of money had been brought with them, and it allowed him to get enough to hold him over at a place that just screamed 'sketchy'.

 

The device was kept on his lap as he ate, and he took comfort in feeling the warmth it produced. He had taken a seat at the table in the back, no others around him. Until there were.

 

Karkat's head jerked up as he noticed the figure before him. A bronze blood, who had to be nine sweeps. The way he was dressed suggested that he would be taken off-planet that night. He only stared down at him for a moment or two, almost in awe. "Can I help you?" Irritation filled his voice, but panic was running through his mind.

 

The bronze blood took a seat across from him, never breaking eye contact. "You will only be able to move safely for so long." His voice, low in both volume and pitch, nearly caused Karkat's bloodpusher to stop. "You're young. If the stories are true, if he was right, you must act soon. Before your eyes change. Once they do, you will be spotted with no effort and eliminated." The stranger glanced around for a moment before reaching beneath the collar of his shirt. What he pulled out was a silver chain, hanging from which was a small charm of the same metal. No more than an inch wide. Karkat felt the world slow around him as he focused on none other but his own sign. The already quiet voice was even softer as he put it back into hiding, leaning in so that no one else would hear. "Save us."

 

Karkat flew to his feet as the stranger walked away, though he did not want to risk saying anything. It was the clatter on the floor that brought him back from the thoughts running through his mind.

 

Hurrying to pick up Sollux, he mumbled a few apologies, asked if he was all right. There was a slight crack on the screen, but a few tests on Sollux's part proved that it still functioned. "Yeah. I can't feel anything in this thing."

 

"Wait, nothing?" Karkat was getting a few stares now, so he left his payment on the table and headed out.

 

Sollux went to shake his head before remembering that he couldn't. "Nothing. If I were to turn my camera off, I would have no way of knowing whether or not you were even holding me. I didn't think about that when I designed it."

 

Fuck. What was that like? To be honest, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. Terrifying, probably. He must have felt so cut off from the world.

 

"Have you got enough to get a block for a few days?" An affirmative answer. "Do it. You deserve an actual recuperacoon after all this shit."

 

The idea was a fantastic one, especially since not long after he checked in, the first droplets of rain began to dot the window. It felt like a lifetime since he had actually been inside a building. "What do you think that guy was talking about earlier?" Karkat hung up the cloak before stripping down the rest of the way.

 

"Fucked if I know. But you said he was wearing your sign, so my best guess is that he's part of your ancestor's cult."

 

"That makes sense, I guess. I mean--" Hold on. "Wait, so now you're saying that he was the one to _start_ the damn thing?"

 

"It's speculation, calm down. We know he was important, so it makes sense." Whatever. Karkat set Sollux on the table before climbing into the recuperacoon, the long since forgotten comfort taking hold of him immediately. "Now stop thinking about all this and sleep."

 

A nod, knowing that this would prove to be no trouble whatsoever. "You sleep too, okay?"

 

"Yeah, I can't do that." Karkat sat up a bit and asked what the hell he meant. "You heard me. I can't sleep with this thing. Like, it is physically impossible for me to sleep without my body. I kinda miss it, actually." Perhaps more than 'kinda'. He had never thought of it in such a way before, but sleeping actually proved a nice escape from the cruelty that was the world.

 

Karkat blinked a few times as he processed this. "Why the fuck didn't you think of that when you built that damn thing? Between that and not being able to feel anything?"

 

Sollux didn't offer a verbal response, instead flashing a message across his screen.

 

because i am a c0mplete fucking m0r0n.

 

It caused a slight laugh, though he couldn't help but notice something. "You're using her quirk...."

  
A few seconds of silence. "Yeah. I guess I am."


	12. Fled is That Music

His hands were shaking as the supplies sat on the table before him. "Now connect those two wires. The red and the blue ones."

 

"Are they really supposed to go together, or could you just not resist the color combination? Next thing you know, you'll want me to get together with Vriska."

 

"Dude, shut the fuck up and just hook them up to the circuit board."

 

This was it. This was their defining moment. It had taken all this time to gather everything they needed, and those five weeks had gone by startlingly fast. It was now or never. With only about a week of battery life left, this was when they would determine their fate.

 

This was the moment that they would figure out whether Sollux lived or died.

 

The last of their money was spent on yet another cheap block in another city. Doing this outside was far too risky. "Okay. So what you're going to do, is you're going to try and get each end underneath the battery of your husktop. Whatever you do, don't take it out. This is a test run, and if I'm without power for even a second, I'm done for."

 

The computer was on, battery almost depleted. Fuck, what if it was a failure? What if nothing happened? No, he couldn't think like that. Sollux, he would be fine. He had to be.

 

The new battery was connected.

 

Karkat said nothing as he stared at the husktop screen.

 

"What is it?" The attempt at concealing just how anxious he felt was mediocre at best. "Come on, KK, talk to me. Or at least tilt me so I can see."

 

Karkat reached over, positioned Sollux so that he would be able to look at the screen. "Full charge." This was half whispered. "We did it." His free hand moved to wipe away tears of relief, any fear that things would not work out completely gone. They'd done it. Sollux would be okay. They both would.

 

Their moment of peace would not last long.

 

The sound of a fist on the door. Not a staff member, far too aggressive for that. But no one was supposed to know that they were there. How could they? They were so far from home, no one knew who they were. "Karkat Vantas." Hearing his name spoken aloud by an unfamiliar voice felt like a pit had formed in his stomach. "You're under arrest for conspiracy, blood crimes, and treason against the Empire."

 

'Blood crimes.' Was that what they were calling it?

 

For a few seconds, time seemed to stop. This was it. It was over. Everything they had worked for. All these months of running, of pain, of sorrow, and it was going to end right there. One hand instinctively grabbed hold of Sollux as he mentally tried to come to terms with his fate.

 

Sollux wasn't going to have that. "Run." Though his voice made it clear that he was just as terrified and taken back by the situation, it also was sure to hold an aura which was meant to remind Karkat that this didn't have to be the end.

 

Sollux was shoved in his pocket the moment the first attempt at breaking the door down came. The new battery was put in his teeth, while the bags were left behind. As he climbed up onto the windowsill, he glanced down at the ground three stories below. Sollux managed a look, as well. "Dude, you are not going down the drainpipe. You're going to kill us both."

 

"Like fucking hell I am." Words slightly distorted from the battery in his mouth, but still comprehensible. "I have watched way too many movies to screw this up." Hands clutched the pipe, and despite honestly being freaked out by the concept, he managed to get his feet to touch the ground just as the splintering of the door ran through the air.

 

Despite his attempt at getting out of there beforehand, a glance back revealed that one of the Imperial Agents, an indigo blood, had already stuck his head out the window and caught sight of what direction they were headed.

 

And oddly enough, the only thing that ran through his head was the fact that this was the first time he had ever seen a troll past nine sweeps.

 

He took Sollux out of his pocket in fear that he would fall out as he ran, pushing past anyone who got in his way. Get out of there. Find safety. Keep Sollux safe. Hook up the new battery, and keep going on how they had been. Footsteps could be heard behind him.

 

Closer.

 

Keep going.

 

Closer.

 

Why did he have to be so short?

 

Closer.

 

Bolting through the streets wasn't getting him anywhere. If anything, it just made him look more suspicious to the innocents. A few had actually tried to stop him themselves. Purely out of luck, there was the entrance to the subway hardly three-hundred feet away. It would be perfect. Was there any given day that there wasn't someone running to catch a train? No one would give it a second thought.

 

It was key that his expression not be that of fear. Don't look guilty. Look like any other asshole here who was just trying to get where they had to go. The sound of shouting was still close by, but slightly farther than it had been previously.

 

After about ten more minutes of this, not even the adrenaline could keep him going. They were nearer than ever before, and he was practically gasping. A rush of air hit his face as a train stopped to pick up passengers, but this did nothing for him. They were coming. He could make out the detail in their faces.

 

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Sollux was shouting from his position in Karkat's arms. "We are in a fucking train station! Get the fuck on, you dipshit!"

 

Get on.... The train! Yes! Fatigue had robbed him of his ability to think clearly. Though it was hardly five steps away from them, Karkat bolted aboard, holding his breath until the doors closed. The Agents, still outside, stopped as it began pulling away.

 

Collapsing into a seat, he smiled down at Sollux as he closed his eyes. "Probably should've thought of that...."

 

A soft laugh in response. "Yeah, probably. Nice one, genius." He paused for a moment. "You've still got it, right?"

 

Karkat didn't remember exactly when he had put the battery in his pocket, but he pulled it out now to show him that it was both there and in one piece. "Next stop is coming up. We'll get off and install it there. I'm not doing it on a train. I'll end up fucking it up."

 

Once they were off, Karkat was sure to walk with his head down. And it was probably because of this that he didn't notice someone coming toward him until they stepped on his cloak and caused him to fall to the ground. Sollux was protected from the impact in his arms.

 

The battery was not so lucky.

 

As it hit, bits of it flew off, and it slid just out of his reach. But perhaps it could be fixed? Yes, surely it could.

 

Until, of course, it was stepped on.

 

No. No, that had been their only hope. They didn't have time to make another one, this had been it. This had been Sollux's last week, but then they'd finished it. And now their hope was gone. Crushed in both the literal and figurative sense.

 

Karkat looked up at the individual who had broken it, discovering that it was none other than the indigo-blooded Agent who had seen them booking it from where they had originally been discovered. Five others surrounded them. Six Agents. Six weapons all drawn. And six words spoken.

  
"Karkat Vantas. You are under arrest."


	13. Immortal Bird

There was no point in resisting.

As much as he should have, as much as he probably owed it to Sollux, trying to run now would just result in his death. They were drastically outnumbered, even if Sollux did have any way of fighting back.

The one that seemed to be in charge took his foot off of the now destroyed battery and stepped forward, kneeling down. "What's this you've got?" He grabbed onto the device that Karkat was clinging to as though his life depended on it. As though keeping him there would save them both.

"No!" Every time the Agent pulled, Karkat would pull back. No, they couldn't take him. They couldn't take him away. "Let go! Sollux!" Something collided with the back of his head, slamming his jaw into the ground and thus weakening his grip. Immediately after, he was put in handcuffs.

With the full advantage, the Agent had no trouble taking the piece of tech and standing up with it, completely ignoring Karkat's pleas. "Sollux?" Was he smirking? "Sollux Captor. They said you were talented, but I never expected something like this." Yes, that was definitely a smirk. And it only grew darker. "It was so fun killing you the first time. I wonder if the second will have the same effect. Though it doesn't seem like you'll be putting up much of a fight this time."

The memories were far too vivid for Sollux to say a word in response.

"And you." Sollux was handed over to one of the other Agents as the leader knelt again. "I've heard the stories. The preaching of a madman, doomed for failure. The promise he made in his final sermon. Thought I was being sent off to chase a myth. But here you are." He took hold of Karkat's hair and lifted up his head to force him to make eye contact. "So tell me. Is it true? Is the mutant back? Has the Second Signless finally made his appearance?" When he didn't recieve an answer, Karkat's head was slammed against the floor, resulting in a noise of pain and blood dripping from his nose. "And there's all the proof I need."

Karkat winced as he was dragged to his feet, led out onto the streets, and forced aboard the ship that was waiting.

He was screaming for Sollux the entire time.

The prison ship was far colder than he had anticipated. But given the status of the Agents and guards, they probably weren't bothered by the conditions. Chains held him in place, kept him sitting on the freezing ground with only a few inches of leeway for moving. He was unsure how long he had been staring at the floor before the glass wall of the cell opened and allowed the head Agent inside.

"How has you stay been so far, Signless?" His voice was dripping with sadistic pleasure, and Karkat did his best to keep his own threatening.

"Don't call me that." It was unlike anything that had ever come out of his mouth. Not just angry, this was pure rage. Just short of a growl, as cliche as it was. There was no other word to describe it.

For the third time that night, the Agent got into Karkat's field of vision, this time with a small knife in his hand. Instead of piercing flesh, however, he grabbed onto the inside-out turtleneck and cut it off of him. "No, of course. You're not Signless, are you? You have a sign." He turned the shirt so that Karkat could see the symbol he had worn all his life. "But do you have any idea how much trouble this sign has caused? Two full-on rebellions and who knows how many unloyal subjects. So maybe you aren't Signless. Maybe you'd fit his other name better."

The shirt was tossed into the corner, and the hand which had been holding it now clutched Karkat's throat, cutting off the air. "You have his blood. You have his cloak. You have the descendant of one of his followers. You have the sign he was given only after death. Why should you not have his title, too? He was wrong. There is no Second Signless. Only the Second Sufferer." The grip was released, Karkat attempting to inhale through the coughs.

He was left alone in the dark.

Night one left him crying. Night two the same. Nights three through five had him wondering if they intended to let him starve to death. Nights six, seven, and eight he stopped trying to bite the people who came to give him water. Night nine, and he was finally given a small amount of food. Night ten, he went back to crying. Because that was when he realized.

The six weeks were up. Sollux was dead. And he hadn't even gotten to be there with him.

It was night fourteen that the lights suddenly turned on, pain flooding his eyes. "Get up." This was said even before he was freed from his restraints. "You're being transferred."

Legs could hardly support him as he was pulled into a standing position, wrists put in a new set of shackles. Perhaps were he not so out of it, he'd have taken a closer look at them. Three guards escorted him; One behind, then two in front holding the chains that attacked to the metal on his wrists.

The prison ship had docked with another, and Karkat was led past the threshold. Two new guards took hold of the chains, and a new third replaced the one following them. The cloak, still wrapped around him, obscured his vision as he continued looking down.

When they stopped, he didn't even notice who he was standing in front of until a voice rang out and broke through his haze of sorrow.

"Karkat!" Head snapping upwards, only one thing mattered in that moment. That voice, so afraid, but so very real. The small device was propped up on a table on the opposite side of the room, and yes, the light was still flashing. How? Their time was up, that was impossible. He shouted Sollux's name, attempted to run over to him. He was, of course, held back.

"What a nice little reunion." She was leaning against the wall. Arms crossed, as though she didn't have a care in the world. "I'm getting some deja vu." The Condesce righted herself, looked over to a piece of machinery about thirty feet away. "Why don't you take a look? I think you'd be interested in seeing what all the fuss has been about." Only then did it register in Karkat's mind. That wasn't machinery. Upon getting a good look, it became so painfully obvious.

The poor bastard who had somehow been forced into being her helmsman hardly moved, and even when he did, it was slowly. As though so much energy was being focused on the ship that he hardly had any left for himself. Karkat watched as he looked up, and just the faintest touch of emotion crossed the otherwise blank face as he laid eyes on the prisoner before him. "Oh, now you understand, don't you?" The Condesce looked from him back to Karkat. "He looks just pike him, doesn't he? It's uncanny." She moved closer to him, put her hands on either side of his face. "Look at you. You're still a guppy, your eyes haven't even changed. And look at this." Inspecting the cloak now. "I haven't seen this in a long time. You're taking on his image as best you can, aren't you?"

Had he worn something like this? No, shut up, Vantas, this wasn't the time to worry about clothing choice. "How are they alive?" Voice rough from disuse, but still trying to sound confident. "If he... if he knew my ancestor, he should have been dead for centuries by now. And Sollux... he was dying, his battery was failing."

Though she made it clear that she was still in control of the situation, she did decide to answer him. More or less. "A gill's got her secrets on how to stay effishent. Sometimes, you find someone who's just so kelpful that you don't want to give him up." If he ever got out of this, he was fairly certain that speaking to Feferi would be far more difficult psychologically. "As for your little frond...." Her smile was absolutely terrifying as she turned to look over at the one in question. "Whale, should you tell him, or should I?"

Despite not actually having a face anymore, it was clear that Sollux would have been crying. "She... she upgraded it. I've had a full charge for almost two weeks now." This hadn't been his goal. This wasn't what he'd wanted. Immortality was good in theory, but in practice, it seemed awful. Especially with what was about to happen.

"Figured his ancestor has got eternal life, why not carry on the tradition? And why stop there?" At this, she nodded to the guards. They tore off the cloak and tossed it aside. He was shoved against the wall, the two holding the chains attaching them to a device above his head. Arms raised as he was suspended, only then did he look up at the shackles.

His sign stared down at him.

She was before him again, this time having to look up to meet his eyes. "I hope you realize better than he did. This is where you belong. This is the only place that has ever been made for you." Another nod to the crones working for her. This time, there was warmth on his wrists, which steadily grew to a searing heat. He was screaming in anguish. Sollux was screaming his name. "Someone shut him up. And plug him into the system while you're at it. Let's see what he knows." She gestured behind her.

One of the guards went over and picked up Sollux, who, despite this, refused to cease. "Karkat!" Loud enough that it strained the speakers, so desperate that it felt as though Karkat's heart would rip in two from just hearing it. "Karkat! Ka--" Just what had been done to the speaker, he couldn't tell from where he was hanging. But the voice stopped, and was now replaced with the name being typed on the screen.

KARKAT!  
KARKAT!

Sollux was attached to the ship, and if anyone were able to hear, he'd have been screaming in pain.

"That's better." All of her attention was back onto him now. "Like I was saying." One of the guards handed her a small knife. "This world wasn't made for you." The blade was put against the bare skin of his chest. "Nofin ever was, nofin ever will be." It was dragged along to make its first incision. "Your entire life was a mistake." Still screaming as another one was made. "A genetic experiment gone wrong." Which hurt worse, the knife, the fire, or the truth in her words?  "A freak of nature." She'd cut in the shape of an Alternian letter. "You tried." Another letter, more blood pouring from the wound. "And you failed." Every sentence was a new piece of the word she was carving into him. All very rhythmic, all granting her the utmost pleasure. "You've looked at yourself every night. What made you think you could ever be anyfin more? Or did you know that you wouldn't be? Mr. Threshecutioner? Are you surprised? I know about that. Your little dream. You think we can't get into your records? Everyfin you have ever typed, everyfin you've ever done, is ours for the taking. That's how you got in this little mess, isn't it? 'Oh, let's make a bet, it'll be so fin.' Are you having fin yet? Was it worth it? Was any part of your useless existence worth it? You shouldn't have even been hatched, should you have? Do you know what would have happened to you if not for your ancestor's followers? You'd have been left to die. No lusus to protect you. It was just as much of a freak as you are. A poor, sad creature never meant to be."

Finally, a rest from the pain of the knife. Karkat forced himself to look down at his chest. Though it was difficult to read through all the blood, the word 'MUTANT' stared back at him.

She started up again, retracing each letter, digging in deeper. "I wasn't nearly so personal last time. I'm liking the change. And now I've got you here. And your psionic. Maybe when we're done, I'll go find the other two."

After everything they had been through, it was going to end like this.

What had happened? Where had he gone wrong? Surely they had done everything they could to assure their safety? So why was he in chains, why was blood forming rivers of red over his skin, why was the blade slicing his flesh for what felt like the thousandth time? Why was he being forced to watch the small screen in front of him, repeating his name over and over again, ‘KARKAT’, ‘KARKAT’, ‘KARKAT’?

Had this all been a waste of time? Should they have just sat down and allowed themselves to be killed in the first place? Would that have spared them this torment?

All eyes in the room were on him, be it willingly or not. They were all going to watch him die. Fuck, he was going to die there. If not tonight, then one of the ones that would follow. For all he knew, he could be kept there for weeks. Enduring the agony nonstop.

This was his fault. All of it, every second of pain that any of them endured due to what had happened. If he hadn’t tried to show off skills he didn’t have, if he hadn’t been so careless, hadn’t been such an asshole. Things would still be okay. They would still have a future, they would still have hives and luci to go back to at the end of the day. He was certain that his own had been killed, it was only logical.

He wanted to close his eyes. Those words were still flashing across the screen. ‘KARKAT’, ‘KARKAT’, ‘KARKAT’. He couldn’t look. He couldn’t see that and know that they substituted for screams of desperate horror. So then why were his eyes wide? Why had he ceased screams of his own?

Why was he stuck thinking back to what had led to all of this?

He could end it. It would be simple. She had the knife so close to his bloodpusher, he could have just thrust forward and it would be over. No more pain.

Teeth gritted, he prepared himself. It was selfish, but dammit, that didn't matter. Just so long as he got out of there. Gathering up all he could, he let out one final scream. One last battle cry to accurately describe his outlook on the situation, on life, on society as a whole. It was but one word, but drawn out.

"Fuck...!"

Electricity surged, sparks filled the air. The Condesce snapped her attention to her helmsman, confusion and, yes, even fear painted on her features. Red and blue light illuminated everything around them, and that which had held the now ancient troll captive for so long shattered around him, causing him to fall to his knees. He tore off the goggles and immediately raised his hand, sending the Condesce flying against the far wall and holding her there. He released her only so that he could drop a support beam onto the guards, and whether it was coincidence or acute planning, trapped her under its weight.

The device holding Karkat came next, and he was able to scramble over to the body of one of the guards and retrieve the key to release the shackles. The skin beneath was blackened and bleeding, but that was a problem for later.

With no one piloting it, the ship was rapidly falling. Footing unsteady, Karkat pulled Sollux from where he had been docked. "You okay?!"

Karkat?  
KK are you there?

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm right here, are you all right?"

where are y0u?  
are y0u 0k?  
i cant see 0r hear anything.

Fuck, the power surge must have messed with the camera and mic. A jerk of the ship brought him back to attention, grabbing his cloak and running over to his savior. "Hey. Hey, come on. Can you walk? We've got to get out of here." No response came. He didn't even look up. Instead, his hand raised again, and Karkat felt himself being lifted into the air, brought toward the door. "What the hell are you doing?! If you stay here, you'll die!"

The last thing Karkat saw of him before the door shut was a smile.

There were rooms meant to protect the Empress should the ship ever crash, and lucky for them, they were everywhere. Karkat ducked into one before looking back at Sollux.

karkat?!  
0h fuck s0meh0w please tell me y0ure there  
please tell me y0ure alive  
0r just that y0u didnt aband0n me

He would figure that out later. Right now, they were about to impact Alternia.

A huge crowd had gathered around the crash sight. After all, this was the Empress' ship, there was no mistaking it. When there was movement in the wreckage, it was not her who stepped out into the mid-spring air. Karkat, wrists burned, 'mutant' carved into his chest, having barely eaten, and now decorated with a number of other injuries, had expected the landing to be a bit smoother than that, given the supposed protection. Everyone was staring, but he was looking down at Sollux. The screen had been cracked in the crash, and now no words filled its surface.

Blind, deaf, mute, and unable to register touch. But the light still flashed. Red and blue. Red and blue. They had both survived. But only Karkat would live. Sollux, he would simply exist.

When he looked up, only then did he notice the reaction of those around him.

Every single one was bowing.

As per tradition, the new ruler was the one who had killed the old.


	14. Epilogue

"So you're telling me that there's not one goddamn person on Alternia who can fix him?!" Tears were streaming down Karkat's face as he stared at his new husktop.

 

Feferi, lagging slightly because when the hell have video chats ever not done that, shook her head. "I've tried, Karkat. I've talked to everyone, put out rewards for whoever might be able to. You know I've done everything I could. But Sollux... you know how he was. He always liked to be cryptic about everything, especially how his tech works. He was--"

 

"Stop saying that!" Hands slammed down on the desk. "Stop using the fucking past tense with him! He's still alive! Holy fucking douchewagon licking crotchstains, I made them let you be empress because I thought you'd actually know what the hell you were talking about most of the time! But no, here I am, wrong as fucking usual! I should've taken up the offer! At least as emperor I would have tried!" Hands ran over his face, sleeves covering the appalling burn scars that had been left behind. Those on his chest were easier to conceal, but every so often the fabric of his shirt-- Which now displayed his sign in a brilliant red with no fear of harm-- would rub against his skin the wrong way and remind him of their presence. "Sorry." Honesty in his voice. "Sorry, it's just.... I always wanted glory. To be remembered for something. Me and him, we went through so much for so long. We bonded. We suffered. It was us against the rest of the world. Now I've got everything I ever wanted. Except him." He cast a glance over at the device. "I can't even be sure if this is what he wants. I... I might be being selfish keeping him here. But I just can't let him go. Because... even if he can't see me, or hear me, or even fucking have any way of knowing I'm here... it's still him. And I keep holding onto some hope that someday I'll wake up and hear him laughing about how much of an idiot I am for believing this for so long. It sounds stupid, I know. But it's all I have." 

 

Feferi nodded a bit in sympathy. "It's completely understandable, Karkat." Not even bothering to go with 'understandabubble', to prove that she was serious. "But it's been so long, and we've both been doing all we can. Not to mention the others."

 

After thinking over her words, Karkat nodded before closing out the window without a word. As much as he hated it, as much as he wanted to deny the fact, there was only one option left.

 

If there was one rule that everyone knew, it was not to interrupt Equius from his work. So then why was someone knocking at his door? "What is it you want?" No, he wasn't being very polite. But did that really matter at the moment?

 

Karkat only glared up at him. "Well, nice to see you, too, shitcrisp. Here." At this, he reached into the bag on his shoulder-- Blue with a red strap-- and held out Sollux's device.

 

Confusion crossed his face as he adjusted his glasses. "I've told you, this technology is beyond even me. I cannot bring him back." Even replacing the screen was impossible, as strange as it sounded.

 

"I'm not asking you to bring him back." Voice somber, still holding it out. Still watching that light. Red, blue, red, blue.

 

Surely he couldn't be suggesting what he thought. It wasn't in his nature. Even so, best to check. "...You mean...?"

 

"Yes."

 

Okay, then. Equius offered a nod, but did not yet move. "I trust that you understand the weight of the situation."

 

"Of course I fucking do." Eyes locked on the ground now. "But he.... I've left him like this for... how long's it been, three sweeps?" Had it really been that long? Were it not for Feferi, would they really have all been sent off-planet by now? "I don't know if it's what he'd want. But... it's what I want for him."

 

"And you believe that it is your decision to make?"

 

"No, I don't!" And there was the stinging of tears in his eyes. Great. "But I'm the only one who can, okay?! He-- he can't hear or see or feel, or even fucking talk to tell me that he's even still in there!" Calming slightly now "I... Don't want him to be alone anymore. And I thought that you might be able to make sure he's not scared or in pain when it happens. I know that I'd fuck something up if I tried it myself." Just like he'd fucked up the entire situation. Fucked up Sollux's entire life.

 

It was contemplated, but Equius did nod in time. "I can do that, yes."

 

He would do it. He would do it, that was good. Wasn't it good? "Thanks." But, he did not hand Sollux's device over. Not just yet. As cliche as it was, he held it close to his lips whispered four sentences. "...You said you missed sleeping. You can sleep now. I'm sorry. I love you."

Equius was gentle as he took it, even more so in his words. "Do you wish to stay while I do it? I--" The answer was blunt, Karkat already having turned his back and heading out the door in a failed attempt to hide the fact that he was crying.

 

"No."


	15. Epilogue II: Do I Wake or Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, motherfuckers.
> 
> Happy 4/13, everyone!

The three-month mark was approaching fast.

 

Three months without having seen that blinking light, three months without talking to someone whom he knew couldn't hear him, three months without debating just what the hell he was meant to do.

 

Three months without Sollux Captor.

 

Karkat had just sort of shut down after that. Everything felt so empty, so useless. This was even worse than the first time. Because now? Now he was directly responsible. Sollux was actually, finally dead, and it was because he had made it happen. But wasn’t better this way? It must have been such a horrid existence. Just being, never able to know what was going on around him.

 

More nights than not, he would lie on the floor and pretend that he was there with him.

 

It was a night like this that his husktop awoke him from his dreams of caves, firelight, and dancing. It was not a message he was expecting, not in the slightest. Everyone knew what had happened, what he’d done-- Oh fuck, he’d done it, it was his fault-- and figured that he needed space. But on this night, someone broke the silence.

 

\--centaursTestical [CT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

D--> I require you here.

\--centaursTestical [CT] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

 

He didn't want to go. Really, he didn't. But when was the last time he had actually managed to drag himself outside? It had been a while. And all of this, it couldn't have been healthy. He would have to move on eventually.

 

No. ‘Moving on’ made it feel as though he would forget. That he would stop caring.

 

Equius was waiting with the door open when he arrived, which was actually a little creepy. He did not offer a greeting other than a small nod and a step to the side to allow him inside. "Sit." He gestured to a chair-- Which had obviously been repaired multiple times-- before exiting the block.

 

What the hell was all this? Karkat took a seat as he glanced around. Then promptly reminded himself never to do so again.

 

Who in their right mind would put shit like that everywhere?

 

When Equius returned, he held something, which he then placed in Karkat's hand. "I was under the impression that you may want to keep this."

 

A small, black device with a screen that was about a third of the whole size.

 

The light did not blink.

 

He wanted to thank him. He should have. But this was just too much all at once. He had held his friend's body before, and now he was doing it again. And it was just as lifeless, and just as cold, and it hurt just as much. "Did it hurt him...? Did he... was it painful...?"

 

"No, but your little sob fest is pretty fucking painful to watch."

 

That voice. But no, that was impossible. Karkat looked up, and sure enough, there stood a third figure in the doorway. "Hey, KK."

 

Two sets of horns, red and blue eyes, even the damn lisp was back. It was him. Oh, fuck, it was really him.

 

Karkat stood on unsteady legs, Equius following suit. "I've been working on this for some time, but have never had the opportunity to test it. I assumed that neither or you would mind." Probably best to leave out some of the details. Like how Sollux had been screaming when the new body had first been activated, how he'd been begging for death, to spare him from his hell, pleading to know that Karkat hadn't left him. Yes, definitely best to keep that to himself.

 

"What do you think, then?" Sollux smiled a bit. "Better robot than I made. Can actually feel things, can shut down whenever I want, which is close enough to sleeping for me. There are a few memories that are just sort of missing, though. Probably from when she started uploading information. But I’m sure I--" He didn't get to finish. Karkat had raced over, threw his trembling arms around him.

 

Though Sollux's lips were made of metal, they still felt perfectly natural against his own.

 

“...I missed you too, KK.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, did the thing in honor of 4/13. Shoutout to Amber+Musica for guessing correctly~ Figured it'd be nice to give you guys a happy ending for once. 
> 
> This has been, by far, my most popular story on AO3 to date, and I just wanted to say thanks for that. :)


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